Bakura's Diary
by RunAwayLife
Summary: Bakura gets a'diary' for his b-day from Ryou and this is what he writes in it...sorta. Rated for language and...other stuffrnChapter 3 is up!
1. Default Chapter

Bakura's Diary

-Damnit Nati this is NOT a diary...it's a journal-

-Hey, that's just the title call it w/e you want –

glare - you are so fucking dead-

-Uh huh, like **you** could kill **me**?-

-Bring it...-

glare- I'll deal with you later, punk ass. Hi everyone welcome to yet another pointless story by me, so enjoy letting your brain melt-

**Disclaimer**: I do not own yu-gi-oh nor any of the characters whines -I WANT MY RYOU KOI!!!-

Mutter mutter -not a fucking diary....-

-Shut it Bakura so I can get on with the story-

Glare- make me-

-I will!-

Jumps Kura-enjoy the story -

**Chappie One**

Dear...Thing,

Since you are NOT a diary that is what I have decided to call you book, until I come up with a name...Anyway today is my birthday, or at least the day that I got my body separated from that wimp Ryou's (A/N MY POOR KOI!!! sob sob sob) . Twitch that ass decided to give me you...and called it a diary. Like** I**, the great and powerful Bakura would ever have a diary. I told him this and he looked like he might cry...or maybe he was laughing. Anyway I have a new list!! And this one is good to...

**15 Things to do at a Wal-Mart store**:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares....and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION- WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible'.

12. In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna Look' using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!'

15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly 'Excuse me, but there's no toilet paper in here.'

I hope you like your first piece of crap, I might not write again but then again I might, depends on if I am feeling depressed enough...but then again I might burn you in the fire...bye I guess now.

(Do I sign this thing?) Kura the All Powerful Ruler of the Universe

-Say bye-bye Kura-

-Never!-

Tightens headlock

-Bye assholes- glares

A/n: That was only my second story it probably sucks. Please review and no flames, though I do like fire I burn easily...


	2. A new Name

**Bakura's Diary**

**Chapter 2**

- Hi! Me again in my entire happy joy ness!!! Well then no one reviewed cuz no one read but I'm writing more again!!! MWHAHAHAHHAHA, right so I have a guest with me today!!! She is my best friend Peppa. Say 'Hi' to the fan like people-

-Shut up Nati; I'm not talking to any damn imaginary people...-

-They are not imaginary, only in their own little worlds, Goddess, you can be so simple minded. Hey but don't mind her, we still need a stupid disclaimer...Peppa I volunteer you-

-Screw you...-

-Only Ryou can do that- (weird looks from imaginary people) - I mean heehee umm never mind. Peppa you're doing the disclaimer-

-No-

-Yes...-

-No!-

-Yes!-

-NO!-

-Please...?- (chibi eyes)

-Grrrrr.... ok... but you owe me some cookies...- (glares)

**Disclaimer**: She doesn't own yu-gi-oh but she so wishes she did and...HEY LOOK IT'S MY KURA KOI!!! (Grabs Kura (who was just walking in) and runs off to a closet with him)

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Dear Ryou,

If you are wondering little book, I have named you Ryou because he gave you to me. There my logic is very wise, and correct, as always...

I can't stand that bitch!!!! Anzu is such a whore. She wears that fucking school uniform EVERYWHERE. Ra....damnit I need something to get out my anger...wait...I think I'm getting something. YES I'M BRILLIANT!!!

Here is a new list, though I know there will be plenty in here. I have lots of things to list. You know book, there is never only one way to do something...

**Ten Best Things to Do When Anzu Goes On Friendship Rants**

10. Count how many MnMs you can shove up her nose before you empty the bag

9. Bring her to a pot of bubbling acids and tell her it's an ancient form of renewal and friendship... Passed down from generation to generation

8. Pointy boots into chest... repeat... repeat... REPEAT!!!!!

7. Stuff sock down wind pipe and scream "PUT A SOCK IN IT"

6. Death by deranged ferrets

5. Call the AAA (Anarchists Against Anzu), beforehand give her a bottle of gasoline and tell her its the latest in Pink Bubble Conditioner

4. Put the 'chuck it at her' in checkerboard... (A/n say checkerboard REALLY fast)

3. CHAINSAW... cough cough

2. Take all of her pretty pink (gag me with a spoon) clothes and dye them black. Then paint her room black and replace all of the curtains with black and the sheets and everything else that is then find her blindfold her and lead her into the room promising a 'special friendship surprise'. Run

1. Hide Behind Ryou.... (Wait I don't want to sound like a pansy)...scribble scribble Hide behind Ryou with a bat.... -chuckles-

Well there you have it. There are other things but I have to think about them so that will come later. Mmmm, I wrote this because she was following us today. I was out with Yami and Marik terrorizing the neighbors...you know little midgets scare so easily. Anyway when Malik popped up and told us to run for the hills cuz a monster was headed that way. You see, Ryou, sometimes he uses special code and we don't always understand, the yami's and I. So we decided to face this 'monster', when he said monster this was no understatement...It was Anzu looking for her "Yami-kins" (gag again)When we saw her in her pink mini-skirted-ness we tried to run but somehow with those huge fucking boots she's like faster than a cheetah!! She caught us and then started her friendship-speechy-ness because we were running from her. Bitch, she must die...that's a good idea...anyway back to the story. Eventually she spied Yami hiding behind me and squealed with glee. Yes dear little one she squealed. Lunging forward she ran off with our dear Yami, oh well the pharaoh deserves it... He stole my bag of cookies that Marik made! And just because I had 'mentioned' stuff about ruling the world... then I said his millennium necklace was cool... next thing I know he is on me and POOF! Running away with **MY** cookies. I wonder what she plans to do to him this time. Well I must go, I smell food and I cannot neglect my role as food eater in this house.

-Bakura the Almighty and Supreme Ruler (Of everyone (and everything) literally)

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A/N

YAY another Chappie done, this is one really short but I was running out of ideas Anyway hope you enjoyed

(Walks off hand in hand with Ryou-kins)


	3. Midget MakeOut

**Bakura's Diary**

**Chapter 3: Midget Make-Out**

Ello!!! I'm back after a very long metal block where I could not come up with ANYTHING!!! But luckily pasta and starch are great for clearing the head…

Ok, I have some things to say to me reviewers (YAY I got reviews)

To…

mellinde: Teddy Bears Rock!! Thanks loads for the reviews!!!

Animechik: Ryou is sooo mine, aren't you bunny? (yes I am pumpkin) isn't he sweet? And thanks a bunch for your reviews!

Southern-hunnie: Thank you for reviewing!!

See, I'm a nice person Ok…on with the story!!!

**Disclaimer**: I don't---

I'm doing the disclaimer!!!

No you're not Mokie, you have had too much sugar today…

TOO BAD

**Disclaimer**: Woo, woo, I'm a train! But she, the author lady, doesn't own a train, she doesn't own yu-gi-oh either so Boo on her!!

Sigh… Just so you know something's may be written out of diary form like actions and such, you most likely will be able to tell these from the rest of the story, Enjoy the wickedness (cough not cough)

**Chappie 3: Midget Make-Out**

Dear Ryou,

I'm lying here on my bed writing in you, stupid little book, and I feel like a real girl. Grrrrr, I have to fix this… (A/N Kura gets up and turns on very loud music) That's better; nothing lightens the mood better then Korn. Ok, back to what I was going to tell you, today being a week from my "birthday" (humph, birthday my ass there wasn't even cake) I decided it was my birthday again, I mean really, a week between presents is a long time, when I told Ryou of my decision he said that your birthday only comes once a year. Yes, my friends once a _year_. This statement caused me to break many things (none mine I assure you, most were the pharaoh's) and throw you at a wall. But that's not the worst news, later this same day that Ra cursed pharaoh and his midget hikari decide to "visit" us. It's not my fault Ryou-hikari won't take me outside. You will have to wait a few more moments to hear more, they are still here and I have to go downstairs for water and more info…

Ewww…I'm scarred for life. I had to walk through the living room to get to the kitchen for my water and Yami and his Midget were making out on MY couch. Ryou was nowhere to be seen, probably out shopping. How could he leave me with these freaks!! They are only supposed to do that at _their_ house when no one is looking… sigh unfortunately for them I ran screaming through the house "disrupting them" as Mr. Big-Shot Pharaoh so lovingly put it. Ugh, how could they do that in _my_ house and especially on _my_ couch!! Yugi, I might add was so sitting in Ryou's favorite spot… Scribble, scribble I mean…Yugi, I might add was so sitting in my foods favorite spot! But luckily that got them out of our house right quick…as someone…I know might say.

Well dear little book thing, I must be going. I think Ryou is home making food and I can't let the couch go unoccupied for too long.

Yours,

The Great and Almighty Bakura

Ok!! I hope that wasn't too bad and I'm sorry it was so short but I still have a brain block, sigh what I wouldn't give for ice cream.

Oo Please review and try not flame, my clothes are flammable!! And we wouldn't want anything to happen to them, oh goddess no…


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